Posted by Monetta Roberts on January 17, 2008 at 19:45:32:
In Reply to: Hey Pat. . . posted by Leif Irgens on January 17, 2008 at 12:02:07:
Mr. Dr. Irgen-Buttinksky:
(A) I don't believe ANYONE was speaking to Y.O.U.; and
(B) Your inflammatory comments could well be grounds for a lawsuit againt Y.O.U. Claim? Breach of britches---you better HOPE I don't have a nightmare tonight....about anything, because you can bet I can relate it ("it" = anything) ALL back to your careless casting about of aspersions;
(C) Now hush up about matters that concern you nare in the least: There is one (1) and ONLY one (1) person in this scenario who boasted (yes, boasted, proudly and unashamedly, in a manner that our maker surely never intended but nevertheless meant for it to be) of threading a thong around his person and then racing, and that, sir, was most assuredly not this gently writer;
(D) EVERYONE KNOWS you cannot simply skip STRAIGHT to the triple dog dare! There is a protocol that must be followed, lest the very basis of social intercourse and, dare I say it, civilization as we know it, crumble before our very eyes. Is that something you want to be held responsible for? Well IS IT? THINK, MAN!
Do you really want future generations to say, "Yeah, they seemed to've had it pretty good way back when, but then "Irgenization" swept the county, and then the world, and one by one, all economic and social systems crumbled before the power of its chaos. No one could stop it. A man with a really fat belly had the best shot, but all he wanted to do was run and shrink his stomach, and so he turned a blind eye to the end of civilization and advise people to eat ice cream and be happy every day. And this, the people found, was useless----except for the people who ate ice cream every day: for they WERE happy, but their happiness did not solve any of the problems. They were all pretty much freaks back then, except for a girl named Andra who never stopped training hard, for she knew that someday the races would commence again, and she knew that she alone would be ready and would win everything there would be to win, even if the prizes were only pine cones.
There was ONE other really smart guy, the Olive Man, oddly, with fair skin, and he mostly wanted to prune trees though he had no olive trees though, so no one could say why he was called the Olive Man. When The Olive Man wasn't pruning trees, he liked to hunt and fish and also run and make wry observations. Still people flocked to him, when the end neared, he counseled them as beat he could, and he told them, "Plant a tree, but only a hearty one that is compatible with the climate here, and tend it and pinch off the insects that would eat the leaves; and run when you can, but not on the hard white paths, and do the grunt work at a footrace and give me a friggin' break once in a while, wouldja??" And the people who had flocked to him said, "Thank you Olive Man, for telling us to pinch off the insects from our trees, we'll see about working the races, but we cannot promise, we like to keep our options open." And The Olive Man sighed heavily.
And as soon as Irgenization ended, and as soon as Mr. Hylyard wore his thong IN the 2008 Joe Cain Race, THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER, or something like that.
~~~~~The End~~~~~